Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Life, the Universe and Little-Kiddywinks

Today, I had my first class in my PSME/Citizenship course. Inevitably, the talk of the class turned from 'Do well in your other courses' to 'don't get in debt' to 'get married and have kids'.
Our teacher was lecturing us about how we should know what we want in life, but when it became obvious that she was talking about "settling down " and there were some murmurs, she then produced the age-old line
"You may say that now, but I bet in a few years your views will change."
Now, it's well-known to the class that I'm definitely not open to the idea of marriage, and when I mentioned to the woman that neither was I intending to get married, nor was I planning on popping sprogs out, she obviously thought that this too was a cliche and went on to talking about safe-sex, and how they are often "Famous last words".**
At the time, I was throwing glances at my friend (who is the only person that's really aware I'm asexual) and laughing, but later, it made me think.
I may know that it's not likely that marriage etc. is going to happen to me, but everyone else around me- save my friend- is ignorant to that fact.
It makes me feel isolated and has pretty much put a damper on my otherwise-nice day.
When things happen like that (and they are happening, with increasing regularity) that effectively 'put me in the closet', they make me feel like a fraud and a liar.
So what? You ask. Sexual identity is not the Be all and End all of your life.

I attend a single-sex school full of hormonal, heteronormative teen girls *.
The 'sexual tension' is highly charged at times, and it's easy to feel out of place. Add to that to the fact that I'm a sexual minority and one of my best friends is gorgeous, constantly has guys after her and is a borderline-nymphomaniac, and it makes for some nasty emotions.

That's why I have vowed to get the word out on AVED 2009. Come October the 12th, I am going to be doing my utmost to help with visibility and whatnot. I don't want anybody within my figurative reach to feel the way I sometimes do...
The way I am starting to feel everyday.
*When I say 'heteronormative, I mean it. My school's population is so small, the statistics for gay and bisexual people aren't enough for even one person put together. I'm just an anomaly, I guess.
**I'm sorry about using so many quotations, but the lesson really was one whole big cliche ):/


  1. I know this may be posted a little late, but I'm in the same situation as you, with the schools, at least. At a same-sex school, I honestly think it's harder to not be interested in sex, etc. then it is in a coed school. Whenever a guy comes in, I have to pretend to think he's the center of the universe. I actually know quite a few people that are bi, but I only know of one lesbian in the entire school (yes, we are tiny). We're supposed to be oh-so-liberal, but the truth is, because we all have at least one thing in common, anything different is unusual.

    I probably won't come out, but I am planning on creating some annoymous bathroom graffiti, and maybe leaving a note for the GSA president. Who knows? Good luck with your situation.

  2. Citizenship course, all-girls school and teaching about settling-down, marriage and children...? This ingredients resembles too much the Spain under Franco. If such a case were reported now in Spain, half of our current government would order an in-depth inspection to this school. And I wonder if the same would be taught to the boys.