I've recently been spending some time with friends who I wouldn't normally spend so much time with, and it's like a new friendship. Which is brilliant, and has been leading to se awesome times being had by all. However, it has been leading to awkwardness when sex it romance become topics in the conversations.
And, as I get older (though not that much older, dear reader) come up in conversations it does indeed, with increasing and alarming regularity.
In fact, the general conversation has been going a little like this;
Friend: "blah blah blah blah..." (conversation turns to sexual stuff)
Me: "Well, y'know, I'm not into that stuff...
And there the misunderstandings and hilarity ensue.
Of course, I realise that I've been taking for granted the fact that the school's gossips have basically ensured that I longer have to come it to anyone at all. But it's still a little disconcerting to have to explain to new friends that no, I don't particularly want to go to dances to get off with people, or agonise about the intricacies of someone else getting off, and yes, intend to be an old cat lady, or else in a super-relationship of awesomeness with various friends. I'm not aromantic (god no- I may not be horny teenager, but in the absence if an insatiable libido, I have an equally annoying romance drive) but I'm still not really interested in explaining the intricacies of my perfect, romantic/platonic relationship to the average cislayman. It's not particularly Cindy From Next Door's business, unless I want to be in a relationship with them.
I still find coming and explaining asexuality again and again too, and although I know every person I tell adds to collective awareness, I still have a sense that I'm being a 'vis-queen' in a negative way, constantly flaunting and discussing my orientation, even though most other ( i.e. Heteronormative) people get to "flaunt" theirs every day.
Saturday, 2 October 2010
It's been a while, and though I can't say I have an excuse, I can say I've been spending the time wisely (wisely meaning 'on non-academic procrastination).
I've been writing. Sheets and sheets, on a variety of subjects.
Okay, when I say variety, I mainly mean random drabbles and short things under 2,000 words related to asexuality, and fanfiction dabbling, but I've really enjoyed experimenting with different styles of writing and getting back into the hobby my 11-year-old self enjoyed so much.
Plus, it's been educational (gasp!) because my English has been doing well as a result. So there we go.
What I nearly missed (just like my AVENersary, did I spell that right?) was that it's been almost a whole year since I naively tried to educate my school on asexuality, and failed more than a bit. Luckily, the comments were just ignorant rather than extremely rude (to my face), although I did get the brand of 'it's your hormones... insert personal question here' and 'I bet you'll fall in love and be normal' etcetera.
Which makes it all the more special that, a year on, not only am I 'normal', but that I have fallen in love (asexy love!) and I have gotten older (a whole year!) and I'm still not normal.
I've been attracted to people and I've had chats with friends, and no, I'm not a confused asexual - admiring curly hair doesn't make me want to jump someone's bones.
Best of all, two of the most vocal people back then, who asked pretty much the most ignorant questions, are now the people who are the most understanding and who I can talk to. They wouldn't be the kind of person you'd look at and think 'yes, they have an asexual friend who (tries badly to) talk to them about the Kinsey scale and has cosy chats about sexuality with', but there you go. (I love you guys, I really do. Even though said education isn't conducive to my IT work.)
So, I think that the one day this year where I'm going to flaunt my asexuality will have less ignorant questions. I'll be able to approach it in a better way, too - and who knows, I might inform my family*.
And the whole point of this post? I get to say I told you so.** :)
*I came the closest I have ever come to coming out to my family when, during our monthly 'find a mate, dear boy, find a mate' talk, I was condescended to (babies) and told that it would be different when I was in love. I wish they knew how different so they could leave me alone..
**Yes, I'm vindictive. I'm a teenager. *cackle*