Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Oh look, she's writing again.

I don't know what's come over me lately- whether it's the fact I just gave myself some electrocution-y goodness, courtesy of my TV signal wire (don't ask) or whether the lessening months before NanoWriMo has my brain all-a-tingle, I feel like writing again.

Although I have a sneaking suspicion it's because I'm trying to make use of the access to a non-broken keyboard. I still haven't heard from Apple.
(and my arm is spasming. I think some volts must have damaged the nervesdjkbfowrib*.)

But, whatever the reason, I've decided to do some good old room-in-a-shun.
After over a year of settling in to my new identity, I'm starting to feel the jitters. Like cold feet, but more... Committed. Like a small child who, a year on, still hasn't killed her guinea pig.
And I've almost come full circle from a year ago, when my disastrous attempt at making something of AVED kick-started the alienation process between myself and my peers.
I've since had two of my biggest sceptics** do a complete right-turn (a phase? Take that, over a year long phase), and found out who my true friends are.
And although I do love my so-called meatspace friends lots, let me just say that I resonate with this secret very deeply- although, cross my heart, I wasn't actually the maker (pinky swears).

Yup, if I could gather all of the AVEN asexies (asexy is the new sexy, I'm not excluding non-asexuals, here), I'd give them a coke and keep them company, and all that.

Update on the interview:
The nice lady from the Times is going to call some time tomorrow- I'm not quite sure when as she's been busy and so it was all I could do to wrangle a response from her without feeling too guilty.

As most of you reader(s?) should have guessed by now, I am a teenager. Yes, it's important because it means my head is full of fluff and knee-crust and that you should disregard about 90% of what I say, but it's also important because- being a teenager- I often disregard my legal guardian's advice on things such as not sneaking out and not doing such-and-such. Of course, I like to console myself with the fact that I'm not being naughty for the purpose of drinking underage and being- ahem- deflowered in a field somewhere, but all the same, I'm a bit silly.

I'm very excited, because someone (let's say in Durham, wherever that is***) may one day see a little quote by me, and think to themselves (in a Durhamian accent) "Hey! That's kinda how I feel!" and henceforth discover the wonderful AVEN, with the pixellated cakey goodness and purple and... advice and personal growth. Yep, that's what I'm doing this for. (shuddup shuddup back there)

But, and there is a but; I am currently struggling with the fact that this will be an interview. For a real paper. And though my parent/things don't read said Real Paper, what if people do? Of course, I can be anonymised**** to my little heart's content, but that's not what the journalist wants, hence the struggling.
I think I might just have to put myself first for this one, though. I mean, I may be out an proud to total strangers, but a national newspaper just doesn't seem the best springboard for an outing to friends and family, does it?

Anyway, I shall stop obsessing about this.

In other words, my flag choice has won! We now have an official asexuality flag!
Does it make me sad I'm stopping off at the material shop first thing tomorrow?

Cake and hugs,
The very confused sad-happy-scared-excited-asexual-teenager-who-is-writing-this-blog-post-in-letter-form-hence-the-weird-sign-off.

*I'm just messing with you!
**One was a proper sceptic, and the other was interested- but it doesn't stop her being generally close-minded and not really believing moi.
***(Local) Geography was, and still is to date, the only class I have ever failed.
**** It is a word now. And yes, I'll stop doing post-script/footnote bastard children.

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

And now the happiness ends.

Hello, friends.

Today is not a good day.
I don't know whether it's the onset of the bad weather, the influx of recent bad news or the fact that every time I open my mouth when speaking to my mother, I want to shout out "I'm asexual!" only to realise that, apart from it being a very bad idea, I have no reason other than my peace of mind to do this.
I mean, what would it achieve?
Since I'm not looking to disclose any details about my relationships in that way, at present, I don't even know why I want to get this out. But- I do. Strange, huh?

And the fact that a few nights ago my subconscious started tormenting me with a dream about my coming out being received perfectly, my finding suddenly a bevy of young asexuals and perfect friends in my neighbourhood to be my support group, and waking up to find that not only is this totally unrealistic; it was a really vivid dream and I can still recall it perfectly (after few days of wakefulness) now.

At the moment, my mind obviously isn't happy. I find myself moping for no reason, biting back ill-advised comments about my lack of sexual attraction to the mailman, and I do so hope it's part of this silly teenager-al business everyone is always going on about.

Luckily, I'm also hopefully going to be able to give back to the wonderful community that birthed these hormonal asexual whines (no, come back! I didn't mean it like that, honest!)
as Helen Croydon of the Times (UK) has asked for an interview- I'm especially happy about this as I'll be allowed to have a fake name, and lots of other AVEN peeps have said she's lovely. I can't wait!

I don't think I'm at a healthy place, at the moment... I don't have an excuse, really (apart from family issues, but that's been going on for 15 years, so I can't really start complaining now), but I still find that I'm constantly looking for something.
I think it's anxiety-related, and that's something for another day.

Ooh, and another good thing that I can't seem to appreciate, lately- I braided an ace pride bracelet, courtesy of the AVEN thread.
Here's how I did it (from a friendship bracelet site, but changed the example colours):

P.P.S- anyone who's reading this who has $1 ( or £1) to spare? Please help the Asexuality doc's Kickastarter program. It'll be an awesome film- and you will have helped it become a reality. And if they don't make it, you get your money back! Win win!

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Tumblr and Queer Secrets

Helloo, dar!
Tis me again. Now, this post will be very short- not just because of my, admittedly large bout of laziness, but because my keyboard is broken and unless I manually edit everything I type, taking 4 times as long to create legible text as usual, my
'keuyboard 'tuypes 'like 'thjis, 'godamnmnit. 'It 's 'mnot 'hjuyst 'tuypo 'riddemn, 'it 's 'tuypo 'HJELL.

Phew, I'm glad I got that out. This thing has been driving me mad all day! Ahem.
First off- I'd like to direct your attention to Queer Secrets. Have you heard of it? If the answer is yes, proceed to page 3. Or the end of the blog post. Whatever.
If you haven't, you're in luck (or not).
Queer Secrets is a Tumblr-based, Post Secret-type blog that posts... You guessed it... Secrets of a LGTBQWERTUYIOP nature.
Each secret is sad and sweet, a mix of the famous FML and the more upbeat GMH "so popular with the youngins' these days".
Around '10+ secrets are posted daily, and there are a good few asexual ones, positive and negative.
Sadly, I find most of the negative ones resonate withe me- though that's probably because my 'ace problems' are quite common, whereas my 'ace pride moments' aren't!
Here's the link. enjoy!

P.S. I'm sorry in advance for any awful typos I may have missed. *kills keyboard*
P.S.S.- Are you ladles and gentlespoons excited about the ace flag voting? 'Cus I am! Actually, on 'Queer Secrets I've seen one particular design being used as the de facto one already, so I hope to goodness it wins.