Today is not a good day.
I don't know whether it's the onset of the bad weather, the influx of recent bad news or the fact that every time I open my mouth when speaking to my mother, I want to shout out "I'm asexual!" only to realise that, apart from it being a very bad idea, I have no reason other than my peace of mind to do this.
I mean, what would it achieve?
Since I'm not looking to disclose any details about my relationships in that way, at present, I don't even know why I want to get this out. But- I do. Strange, huh?
And the fact that a few nights ago my subconscious started tormenting me with a dream about my coming out being received perfectly, my finding suddenly a bevy of young asexuals and perfect friends in my neighbourhood to be my support group, and waking up to find that not only is this totally unrealistic; it was a really vivid dream and I can still recall it perfectly (after few days of wakefulness) now.
At the moment, my mind obviously isn't happy. I find myself moping for no reason, biting back ill-advised comments about my lack of sexual attraction to the mailman, and I do so hope it's part of this silly teenager-al business everyone is always going on about.
Luckily, I'm also hopefully going to be able to give back to the wonderful community that birthed these hormonal asexual whines (no, come back! I didn't mean it like that, honest!)
as Helen Croydon of the Times (UK) has asked for an interview- I'm especially happy about this as I'll be allowed to have a fake name, and lots of other AVEN peeps have said she's lovely. I can't wait!
I don't think I'm at a healthy place, at the moment... I don't have an excuse, really (apart from family issues, but that's been going on for 15 years, so I can't really start complaining now), but I still find that I'm constantly looking for something.
I think it's anxiety-related, and that's something for another day.
Ooh, and another good thing that I can't seem to appreciate, lately- I braided an ace pride bracelet, courtesy of the AVEN thread.
Here's how I did it (from a friendship bracelet site, but changed the example colours):
P.P.S- anyone who's reading this who has $1 ( or £1) to spare? Please help the Asexuality doc's Kickastarter program. It'll be an awesome film- and you will have helped it become a reality. And if they don't make it, you get your money back! Win win!