Thursday 9 December 2010

Passive aggressive bull (aka 'Yay for British Non-Confrontationalism)

Until recently, I've been one of the lucky asexuals who has avoided many of the cliched responses to their coming out. Sure, I've had ignorance, but I Went Forth and Educated, and all was well.

I've since come to realise that not only were most people ignorant, they obviously didn't absorb or listen to a word I had said, and to be honest I'm not in the mood to play educator to each and every one of them a second time. Although I never saw the problems with AVEN regarding this as others did (not that they weren't there; I suck at seeing subtle things like that), I've started encountering the issue in meatspace pretty much all of the time now- it was all right when my asexuality was novel and interesting and I was explaining and educating and people got to nod and ask invasive questions, but when I start to 'flaunt' m sexuality and people are called upon to actually absorb and understand what I was talking about, it's back to being called a baby/animal/robot/pervert and being told to be checked for hormone problems.

I'm really tired of my 'jargon' not being understood (this also applies to gender, though that's a story for another blog) when I really want to do is have a casual conversation where I'm not repressi or stifling myself. I'm a teenager. I live for communication. I like to chatter, and whine and bitch and moan, and it's beyond frustrating that the only people that I can talk to about this are fellow asexuals.
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Oh, hey, this post has completely derailed itself (damn you, yadas). Sorry for the misleading title, and I will get on to the subject next time.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone, because my Internet isn't safe anymore. Please excuse typos, but feel free to point them out for correction.

Location:England

3 comments:

  1. Wow. Love how completely unrelated to the title this truly was. :D

    I know what you mean about re-explaining. I often have to do the dramatic coming-out, and then remind people several months later that I'm actually asexual.

    Personally, I have a really good support group that understands, for example, the idea of romantic orientation. Some of them even understand the relationship binary. I'm trying to work out what I did right, so I can help you, but I think it's mostly luck. Maybe also mixing with a queerer subset of the population.

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  2. I've had to do the "...but I EXPLAINED this to you!" thing with family, too. I think some people just try to pretend they never heard it to begin with, especially if they're not personally interested.

    Also, on jargon--oh man, do I ever feel you. Especially when I'm worrying about something like romantic orientation that I can't just sit down and have a conversation about without having to explain everything first. Yeesh.

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  3. Slightly Metaphysical: This is one of the main reasons I can't wait for college- my college is in the most central part of my county and there are a buttload of queer support groups, whereas where I am at the moment there's so little 'other' that it's statistically unlikely (or at least, out, but trying to bring over a preteen to The Dark Side re; gender and sexuality would be confusing and horribly premature). Also; finally getting round to that title now that I know my blogging app works ;)

    writingfromfactorx: I pretty much have AVEN and the yadas who I can talk to about orientation, and that's it - the jargon and aceness aside, I've already had to dodge some pretty mean questioning along the lines of ".... But even though you're weird, you're not *insert derogatory slang word for queer*, are you? ARE YOU?!". I also get pretty cranky about having to explain things for what feels like the millionth time - but to be honest, I have more of a right to crankiness about that than I would about some of the other stuff I get away with being cranky about, so I try not to feel too guilty, haha.

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