Thursday, 9 December 2010

Passive aggressive bull (aka 'Yay for British Non-Confrontationalism)

Until recently, I've been one of the lucky asexuals who has avoided many of the cliched responses to their coming out. Sure, I've had ignorance, but I Went Forth and Educated, and all was well.

I've since come to realise that not only were most people ignorant, they obviously didn't absorb or listen to a word I had said, and to be honest I'm not in the mood to play educator to each and every one of them a second time. Although I never saw the problems with AVEN regarding this as others did (not that they weren't there; I suck at seeing subtle things like that), I've started encountering the issue in meatspace pretty much all of the time now- it was all right when my asexuality was novel and interesting and I was explaining and educating and people got to nod and ask invasive questions, but when I start to 'flaunt' m sexuality and people are called upon to actually absorb and understand what I was talking about, it's back to being called a baby/animal/robot/pervert and being told to be checked for hormone problems.

I'm really tired of my 'jargon' not being understood (this also applies to gender, though that's a story for another blog) when I really want to do is have a casual conversation where I'm not repressi or stifling myself. I'm a teenager. I live for communication. I like to chatter, and whine and bitch and moan, and it's beyond frustrating that the only people that I can talk to about this are fellow asexuals.
Oh, hey, this post has completely derailed itself (damn you, yadas). Sorry for the misleading title, and I will get on to the subject next time.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone, because my Internet isn't safe anymore. Please excuse typos, but feel free to point them out for correction.



  1. Wow. Love how completely unrelated to the title this truly was. :D

    I know what you mean about re-explaining. I often have to do the dramatic coming-out, and then remind people several months later that I'm actually asexual.

    Personally, I have a really good support group that understands, for example, the idea of romantic orientation. Some of them even understand the relationship binary. I'm trying to work out what I did right, so I can help you, but I think it's mostly luck. Maybe also mixing with a queerer subset of the population.

  2. I've had to do the "...but I EXPLAINED this to you!" thing with family, too. I think some people just try to pretend they never heard it to begin with, especially if they're not personally interested.

    Also, on jargon--oh man, do I ever feel you. Especially when I'm worrying about something like romantic orientation that I can't just sit down and have a conversation about without having to explain everything first. Yeesh.

  3. Slightly Metaphysical: This is one of the main reasons I can't wait for college- my college is in the most central part of my county and there are a buttload of queer support groups, whereas where I am at the moment there's so little 'other' that it's statistically unlikely (or at least, out, but trying to bring over a preteen to The Dark Side re; gender and sexuality would be confusing and horribly premature). Also; finally getting round to that title now that I know my blogging app works ;)

    writingfromfactorx: I pretty much have AVEN and the yadas who I can talk to about orientation, and that's it - the jargon and aceness aside, I've already had to dodge some pretty mean questioning along the lines of ".... But even though you're weird, you're not *insert derogatory slang word for queer*, are you? ARE YOU?!". I also get pretty cranky about having to explain things for what feels like the millionth time - but to be honest, I have more of a right to crankiness about that than I would about some of the other stuff I get away with being cranky about, so I try not to feel too guilty, haha.