Coming out - again and again

I've recently been spending some time with friends who I wouldn't normally spend so much time with, and it's like a new friendship. Which is brilliant, and has been leading to se awesome times being had by all. However, it has been leading to awkwardness when sex it romance become topics in the conversations.
And, as I get older (though not that much older, dear reader) come up in conversations it does indeed, with increasing and alarming regularity.

In fact, the general conversation has been going a little like this;

Friend: "blah blah blah blah..." (conversation turns to sexual stuff)
Me: "Well, y'know, I'm not into that stuff...

And there the misunderstandings and hilarity ensue.
Of course, I realise that I've been taking for granted the fact that the school's gossips have basically ensured that I longer have to come it to anyone at all. But it's still a little disconcerting to have to explain to new friends that no, I don't particularly want to go to dances to get off with people, or agonise about the intricacies of someone else getting off, and yes, intend to be an old cat lady, or else in a super-relationship of awesomeness with various friends. I'm not aromantic (god no- I may not be horny teenager, but in the absence if an insatiable libido, I have an equally annoying romance drive) but I'm still not really interested in explaining the intricacies of my perfect, romantic/platonic relationship to the average cislayman. It's not particularly Cindy From Next Door's business, unless I want to be in a relationship with them.

I still find coming and explaining asexuality again and again too, and although I know every person I tell adds to collective awareness, I still have a sense that I'm being a 'vis-queen' in a negative way, constantly flaunting and discussing my orientation, even though most other ( i.e. Heteronormative) people get to "flaunt" theirs every day.

Neglect, she does!

It's been a while, and though I can't say I have an excuse, I can say I've been spending the time wisely (wisely meaning 'on non-academic procrastination).

I've been writing. Sheets and sheets, on a variety of subjects.

Okay, when I say variety, I mainly mean random drabbles and short things under 2,000 words related to asexuality, and fanfiction dabbling, but I've really enjoyed experimenting with different styles of writing and getting back into the hobby my 11-year-old self enjoyed so much.

Plus, it's been educational (gasp!) because my English has been doing well as a result. So there we go.

What I nearly missed (just like my AVENersary, did I spell that right?) was that it's been almost a whole year since I naively tried to educate my school on asexuality, and failed more than a bit. Luckily, the comments were just ignorant rather than extremely rude (to my face), although I did get the brand of 'it's your hormones... insert personal question here' and 'I bet you'll fall in love and be normal' etcetera.

Which makes it all the more special that, a year on, not only am I 'normal', but that I have fallen in love (asexy love!) and I have gotten older (a whole year!) and I'm still not normal.

I've been attracted to people and I've had chats with friends, and no, I'm not a confused asexual - admiring curly hair doesn't make me want to jump someone's bones.

Best of all, two of the most vocal people back then, who asked pretty much the most ignorant questions, are now the people who are the most understanding and who I can talk to. They wouldn't be the kind of person you'd look at and think 'yes, they have an asexual friend who (tries badly to) talk to them about the Kinsey scale and has cosy chats about sexuality with', but there you go. (I love you guys, I really do. Even though said education isn't conducive to my IT work.)

So, I think that the one day this year where I'm going to flaunt my asexuality will have less ignorant questions. I'll be able to approach it in a better way, too - and who knows, I might inform my family*.

And the whole point of this post? I get to say I told you so.** :)

*I came the closest I have ever come to coming out to my family when, during our monthly 'find a mate, dear boy, find a mate' talk, I was condescended to (babies) and told that it would be different when I was in love. I wish they knew how different so they could leave me alone..

**Yes, I'm vindictive. I'm a teenager. *cackle*

This blog is experiencing formatting problems.

If anyone know how to fix the fact that whenever I post something small like this, and then return the font size to normal after, it looks fine when editing yet when posted the 'new' normal text looks like this would be awesome and I would forever be in their debt.

That is all.

Asexy Literature- Part 1 (in which Holly geeks out majorly)

Hello, all.

I've been thinking a while about asexuals in literature- although not the 'fictional character shows ____ traits, maybe they're ace?" kind of discussion- the actual mentions of asexuality and actual literature that deals with asexuality explicitly.

Interestingly, I've seen somewhat of a trend in my favourite pool of writers, the USA's YA author equivalent of the Frat Pack- the group of authors who frequently promote each other's charity and blog events, create anthologies together, and seem to hold pretty much the same ideologies. (Some are more connected than others, and I may be the only one who refers to them this way, but...)

I'm talking about the group of writers such as John Green (vlogbrothers?) Scott Westerfeld (Uglies series author currently delving into steampunk), Holly Black, Maureen Johnson, Justine Larbelestier.... The lists goes on. Forgive me if I've missed any.

Anyway, I'm somewhat of an avid consumer of some of their books, what with being a Young Adult and all, and in particular I've seen rather an interesting trend between them all, namely their mentions of asexuality.

There's the passing mention in 'Geektastic, Stories from the Nerd Herd', the more-than-passing-mentions from 'Will Grayson, Will Grayson', and the way that John Green and Hank have alluded to asexuality through their Youtube channel.

There's also quite a lot of speculation on Scott Westerfeld's various characters, but that's dealt with most in 'Mind Rain', the Uglies Series collection of essays and in his personal blog.

Again, this 'Geek pack' are also known for their various political stances on various issues such as gender and the LGBT spectrum, too.

What's most interesting (apart from the collective awesome) is that they've got a very large following, even in the UK.

With more and more of these concrete mentions of asexuality, surely it's coming into the collective YA-reading psyche a little easier and faster, which is always a good thing.

However, this quiet invasion of popular YA novels isn't really enough, which I'll hopefully be discussing more in Part 2: Things written for asexuals soon(ish).

Asexuality and 'Growing Up'

Hello, there.

Having been away for the past month, I am now getting ready to go back to school. Living in the UK, 'school-school' (i.e. boring and compulsory school) finishes in the eleventh year, where most of the students are 15, turning 16 at various points- though of course, thanks to the devil in disguise, the ageism rearing its head again means that I'm one of the last years to be able to leave at 16.

Anyway, this is quite a change for me. For the majority of my life, school has been a massive presence, one that never goes away. My life has been monotonous for most weekdays, and now that time's coming to an end! Hooray, right?

Um, I'm actually not so sure...

As I'm getting older, life is getting a little bit scarier, for one thing. I acquire more responsibility (work harder at school! Make life choices!) and - this is the clever bit, where I tie the whole thing into asexuality- and also a little bit of added stigma.

"So, have you 'got' boys yet?" I was asked yesterday by a family friend. It's not offensive, as such, but such things are becoming more and more common, because I'm at the prime age to start 'getting' them. Even coming from an isolated, single-sex school, most of my friends are developing emotionally, and some are in long-term relationships. Others aren't, but they're still all people-mad.

I suppose this has been coming for a while, but it is at times like these that I can't wait to escape to college; where hopefully there'll be understanding people and maybe even a LGTBQA group.

I'll be approaching the 'Sweet Sixteen and....", the "Woah, barely legal!" and possibly even rude presents. I'll be facing more and more difficult questions from adults and others alike, and I may even have to come out to parents.... Though I don't see why, from this side of the year.

Oh look, she's writing again.

I don't know what's come over me lately- whether it's the fact I just gave myself some electrocution-y goodness, courtesy of my TV signal wire (don't ask) or whether the lessening months before NanoWriMo has my brain all-a-tingle, I feel like writing again.

Although I have a sneaking suspicion it's because I'm trying to make use of the access to a non-broken keyboard. I still haven't heard from Apple.

(and my arm is spasming. I think some volts must have damaged the nervesdjkbfowrib*.)

But, whatever the reason, I've decided to do some good old room-in-a-shun.

After over a year of settling in to my new identity, I'm starting to feel the jitters. Like cold feet, but more... Committed. Like a small child who, a year on, still hasn't killed her guinea pig.

And I've almost come full circle from a year ago, when my disastrous attempt at making something of AVED kick-started the alienation process between myself and my peers.

I've since had two of my biggest sceptics** do a complete right-turn (a phase? Take that, over a year long phase), and found out who my true friends are.

And although I do love my so-called meatspace friends lots, let me just say that I resonate with this secret very deeply- although, cross my heart, I wasn't actually the maker (pinky swears).

Yup, if I could gather all of the AVEN asexies (asexy is the new sexy, I'm not excluding non-asexuals, here), I'd give them a coke and keep them company, and all that.

Update on the interview:

The nice lady from the Times is going to call some time tomorrow- I'm not quite sure when as she's been busy and so it was all I could do to wrangle a response from her without feeling too guilty.

TEENAGER DISCLAIMER:

As most of you reader(s?) should have guessed by now, I am a teenager. Yes, it's important because it means my head is full of fluff and knee-crust and that you should disregard about 90% of what I say, but it's also important because- being a teenager- I often disregard my legal guardian's advice on things such as not sneaking out and not doing such-and-such. Of course, I like to console myself with the fact that I'm not being naughty for the purpose of drinking underage and being- ahem- deflowered in a field somewhere, but all the same, I'm a bit silly.

I'm very excited, because someone (let's say in Durham, wherever that is***) may one day see a little quote by me, and think to themselves (in a Durhamian accent) "Hey! That's kinda how I feel!" and henceforth discover the wonderful AVEN, with the pixellated cakey goodness and purple and... advice and personal growth. Yep, that's what I'm doing this for. (shuddup shuddup back there)

But, and there is a but; I am currently struggling with the fact that this will be an interview. For a real paper. And though my parent/things don't read said Real Paper, what if people do? Of course, I can be anonymised**** to my little heart's content, but that's not what the journalist wants, hence the struggling.

I think I might just have to put myself first for this one, though. I mean, I may be out an proud to total strangers, but a national newspaper just doesn't seem the best springboard for an outing to friends and family, does it?

Anyway, I shall stop obsessing about this.

In other words, my flag choice has won! We now have an official asexuality flag!

Does it make me sad I'm stopping off at the material shop first thing tomorrow?

Cake and hugs,

Sincerely,

The very confused sad-happy-scared-excited-asexual-teenager-who-is-writing-this-blog-post-in-letter-form-hence-the-weird-sign-off.

*I'm just messing with you!

**One was a proper sceptic, and the other was interested- but it doesn't stop her being generally close-minded and not really believing moi.

***(Local) Geography was, and still is to date, the only class I have ever failed.

**** It is a word now. And yes, I'll stop doing post-script/footnote bastard children.

And now the happiness ends.

Hello, friends.

Today is not a good day.

I don't know whether it's the onset of the bad weather, the influx of recent bad news or the fact that every time I open my mouth when speaking to my mother, I want to shout out "I'm asexual!" only to realise that, apart from it being a very bad idea, I have no reason other than my peace of mind to do this.

I mean, what would it achieve?

Since I'm not looking to disclose any details about my relationships in that way, at present, I don't even know why I want to get this out. But- I do. Strange, huh?

And the fact that a few nights ago my subconscious started tormenting me with a dream about my coming out being received perfectly, my finding suddenly a bevy of young asexuals and perfect friends in my neighbourhood to be my support group, and waking up to find that not only is this totally unrealistic; it was a really vivid dream and I can still recall it perfectly (after few days of wakefulness) now.

At the moment, my mind obviously isn't happy. I find myself moping for no reason, biting back ill-advised comments about my lack of sexual attraction to the mailman, and I do so hope it's part of this silly teenager-al business everyone is always going on about.

Luckily, I'm also hopefully going to be able to give back to the wonderful community that birthed these hormonal asexual whines (no, come back! I didn't mean it like that, honest!)

as Helen Croydon of the Times (UK) has asked for an interview- I'm especially happy about this as I'll be allowed to have a fake name, and lots of other AVEN peeps have said she's lovely. I can't wait!

I don't think I'm at a healthy place, at the moment... I don't have an excuse, really (apart from family issues, but that's been going on for 15 years, so I can't really start complaining now), but I still find that I'm constantly looking for something.

I think it's anxiety-related, and that's something for another day.

Ooh, and another good thing that I can't seem to appreciate, lately- I braided an ace pride bracelet, courtesy of the AVEN thread.

Here's how I did it (from a friendship bracelet site, but changed the example colours):

P.P.S- anyone who's reading this who has $1 ( or £1) to spare? Please help the Asexuality doc's Kickastarter program. It'll be an awesome film- and you will have helped it become a reality. And if they don't make it, you get your money back! Win win!