Of Missing Teeth and Children

I just arrived from the dentist, having had 2 more teeth extracted (I had 2 taken out last week too, to make room in my 'small' jaw). I won't bore you with the bloody details- literally- but as I have to spend the day resting and not being able to speak, I thought it was a good time to put my thoughts out through another medium- typing.

I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to certain types of pain- especially the afterpain of extractions. I've been told by more than a few people that "when I have kids, I'll be useless" as a joke, and my dentists' assistant, a lovely lady, asked me how I was going to cope when I had kids.

But why did they have to say 'when'?

I live in the UK, where almost 1 in 5 women choose (or not) not to have children. Yet the prevailing attitude is that because I am a girl, I will have them. Not if, but when. It's apparently my 'fate'.

--

[/pain induced rubbish] I think I'll go bash my jaw in with a sledgehammer now.

Small Town Girl

Hey, folks. Today, I'm going to talk to you about narrow-mindedness.

No, this is not my cue to step onto my soapbox and rant about the narrowmindedness of those around me- specifically- but about viewpoints in general. It really irks me when people are ignorant and narrowminded, especially about issues relaxed to sexuality and gender- ranging from the assumption that because I am a 'woman' I will at some point produce small children, whether I want to or not, to sexist jokes and calling everything under the sun 'gay'.

But, these are definitely not the only times people can be narrowminded, and anyway- this post isn't about that. I'm here to "talk to you today" about why people hold such beliefs. Why is openmindedness so hard for some of us?

I myself can be narrowminded, and I'm certainly ignorant of a lot of things. I haven't learnt everything in the years I've been here. But what I have learnt has definitely been influenced by the people around me, and events in my life. For instance, my mother (who I love dearly, haha) is a bit of a snob, and whilst I'd like to think I'm not a snob myself, I know that one of my personality flaws is the tendency to come across as arrogant. Heck, I probably even type a little arrogantly, and maybe even come across as rather snobbish as well.

But my point is, I was influenced by my mother (and to some extent, my father, who is at times very arrogant) and they have passed some of their flaws (and good points, I hope) onto me. Nature or Nurture? It's hard to tell, but when negative traits are being passed on, such as a racist attitude or a chauvinistic outlook on life, it can seriously warp the way someone thinks.

And it's not just parents and adults who pass things on.

Being surrounded by people your age who cry "Faggot! Lesbo! Ew, Trannie" at everything is bound to make you react, be it by furiously beating them with a pan handle :P or going along with it and passing the slang along yourself. But, especially with homophobic, sexist and racist attitudes, the 'things' being passed can be completely outdated, left over from times when homosexuality was illegal, people with Gender Dysphoria were locked up, and segregation was the norm. Society isn't too quick to change, it seems. And in "Small Towns", places where these hurtful ideas are allowed to fester- be it an actual small town, a family or even a schoolyard- it's kinda hard to break out of the mold.

EDIT: Phew, didn't know I had this long, rambling and pointless rant in me. Sorry for the absence of rationality and sense. And no, I'm not pointing any fingers this time.

Happy Valentines Day!

Look at this blog! I feel disgraceful. I don't even want to look at the last post date.

Yes, and I know that the title is rather out of date- as I said, I haven't been 'here' for ages.

So, people- I'm here to talk about Valentines Day.

Being asexual and also single, I'm not consumed by the relationship-frenzy that most people seem to enter. Sure, seeing the streets filled with loved-up couples can be amusing or annoying, depending on your perspective, but I don't usually celebrate or bemoan the day any more than I do Mondays. Actually, bad choice. I HATE Mondays.

What I do have a slight problem with, is that Valentines Day is for couples. The days of sending non-joke cards to friends are apparently long gone by the time we leave primary school. I love sending cards and making/finding gifts for friends on any occasion (generosity+procrastination=win) and I don't think Valentines should be any exception. I like expressing and sharing the lurve for everyone- don't tell me my little brother receiving a mahoosive box of chocolates and practically screaming in joy isn't in the Valentines spirit :) A few people I know like to celebrate Valentines with everyone, and that's awesome. But not everyone does, and the impression hallmark likes to give is almost as if those not in a relationship should be punished. And that hurts, a little bit. Because even though I'm very happy with my 'relationship status' at the moment, thanks very much- the whole obsessive marketing of the days makes me feel a little bit, well.... sad. And Valentines Day (Or V-Day) shouldn't do that, should it?

..

Because if it should, those cherubs with their happy faces are dirty rotten liars.

Merry Christmas!

Hi everyone,

It's been a while. I know. But having fallen down some stairs a week ago (resulting in being told not to go to sleep "OR DIE!"), travelling up to London on the weekend for a birthday and singing for old people/charity, I've been up to quite a bit. Although I know everyone else manages to get around things like that.

.

Anyway, I am getting into the merry spirit of Christmas, New Year and mindless consumerism and have interrupted my little holiday by posting to wish you a lovely Seasons Greetings.

Oh, and I thought that I had to share this awesome asexy cake-hat tutorial: Maybe the perfect gift for an asexual friend/yourself?

Or maybe not, but I just had to share it. :)

Merry Christmas!

You're special... Just like everyone else

Who here has never been told they were special?

Go on, raise your hands.

Not even by your teacher mom/mum or friends?

I thought so.

I remember when my teacher, fed up of my incessant "but....WHY"s and my almost hyperactive eagerness to get my work done, told me how 'special' I was.

And even now, the sarcastic 'You're just special' is used by my friends.

Being special, or people scared of being a sheep, is a well-known cliche in books and movies. Everyone wants to be famous. Everyone wants to be remembered. It's the basic fears of humanity, surfacing in small children around the age of six or seven (If you read an excellent short story called 'Games at Twilight', you'll know what the heck I'm on about).

And, of course, almost every teenage girl (and probably more than a few boys too, I just aren't on that close terms with many of them :P ) think that;

The world is against them,

They are going through ____(insert here) completely alone and non-one has ever experienced it before,

and that their feelings (of first love, turmoil etc.) and thoughts are unique.

Now, I know that's a pretty harsh assessment, and I hope you'll forgive me, but I myself have been guilty of 2/3 sins at some time or other.

Now, to cut the ****,

My closest friend of ten years is shutting me out at the moment, because she is going through 'some issues'. She's told quite a few people what these issues are, but is excluding me because "You won't sympathise; This will never happen to you".

It isn't about my asexuality, and apart from it being because I have -5 eyesight or am around hobbit-height, there's nothing that differentiates us. And yes, you've guessed it, this unique thing that has happened to her is an emotion/thought.*

I'm sure that when she is ready, she will tell all, but what I find odd is that despite assurances that not to burst her bubble, she isn't that different from me, and isn't that unique, she still thinks that she is alone in what she's feeling, which means that I worry for her and feel really frustrated at the same time.

It must have had something to do with the many, many (rather than one) teachers telling her that she was special :P

Peace out.

I'm Back!

I don't know if anybody noticed, but I have had a bit of a hiatus. I have had a lot going on lately, but the extended rest period has mostly been due to my bogus computer crashing a lot (which meant that I ended up typing the same -long- letter out 5 times, and that I had to retype a 3 page essay the morning before it was due. I failed, and was hunted down by my elderly History teacher. Use the save button, people!), resulting in various hi-jinks and the loss of internet. But now I'm back!

Various Updates:

I wasn't able to do too much to educate my fellow students on the actual Coming Out Day or AVED, but due to my disastrous premature 'Coming Out' people surprisingly have been really understanding*. I wrote '...Is Asexual. Got a problem with that?' on Facebook, and amazingly, people that I don't know particularly well left positive comments and 'Liked' the status. Success!

*I wore purple armbands and proudly explained what they meant (I've been wearing pink ones for Breast Cancer Awareness Month and people wanted to know why I wasn't on Monday). People were a lot more understanding, to the point that when I was trying to explain about my anti-baby/marriage/want to learn about contraception agenda, one person turned around in their seat and said "Oh yah, she's asexual though, isn't she?"

The least positive reaction I had on AVED was one person confiding to me "I think you are too young. I'm sure when the hormones kick in you'll find someone." or, my favourite, "One day you'll fall in love. Well, I suppose it won't be love for you...Will it?"

You win some, you lose some, I suppose.

Asexophobia

Hey everyone! I've been reading up on my AVED-related activities. I had some awesome stuff lined up. It was going to be brilliant!
But unfortunately I've now been put off a teensy weensy bit off AVED 2009.
Mainly since of all the asexophobia I've copped lately.*

But what can one expect from attending school in a rural town entirely populated by chavs who don't even have a non-white population, let alone a varied sexuality base?
Basically, I made the mistake of thinking that because I had come out to a few of my friends from school who were understanding, they all would be. I also made the mistake of being proud to be asexual and not hush-hush like I SHOULD HAVE BEEN. Oops, silly me.
I also made the mistake of letting people prematurely see the mini-zine on asexuality I printed as a test run (I've since completely reshuffled the pages and added a link, so..) and then it escalated. First I got the standard '...wha?' responses, and I educated a few people. I felt proud. But my closest friend was really not understanding, or supportive at all, and insinuated that I was a crazy teen going through a stupid phase, and that AVEN was a paedo site and that all of the AVENites were freakazoids(When I told her to check AVEN out so that she could see the error of her ways, she not-so-subtly ignored me). I should have realised then that my AVED-related plans would crash and burn.
The next morning I was verbally attacked and abused, and now everyone seems to know I'm ace and asks rude questions about it. I only told... *counts on fingers* 5 people who were in school at the time!
Methinks people have been gossiping about me behind my back and generally discussing my (TOTALLY non-valid, apparently) asexuality behind my back.
In fact, the most understanding people about it so far (in this whole episode) have been a bunch of 11 year olds who heard about this by chance. But that's because they giggle when they hear the word 'penis' and don't think about sex, let alone alternative sexual identities.

So, I'm sorry, North Cornwall. You've missed out on having me as an asexual activist. And it's all to do with a bunch of narrow-minded teens.

I hope they're happy.

*There's actually been a big discussion about what to call phobia against asexuals. If you followed suit after homophobia, you'd end up with aphobia, which translates as having a phobia of no phobias. So, now we have asexophobia!